Or when your internet provider contract runs out, instead of just continuing to charge you until you cancel, someone comes to your home to inform you that you will now be paying less money each month...
Last night, just such as thing happened. As we were quietly watching Into the Wild, waiting for our supermarket delivery to arrive with the goodies for our early Xmas feast tomorrow night, there was a knock on the door and Krusty opened to find a representative from our cable/internet company, here with the good news about our fee going down.
And then began the most surreal evening of our lives.
At this point I should warn you that I am about to embarrass myself immensely by telling the story of what happened, but it's not like I have ever shied away from looking ridiculous on this blog. And since I found out that I only have about four readers anyway, the damage won't be too extensive...
Anyway, as the cable guy was taking quite a long time to explain and update our contract, I decided to get a head start on the cranberry sauce. That's the beauty of having an open kitchen.
As Krusty was waiting for the guy to fill in the necessary papers, he asked how the sauce was going, to which I replied "you know, I don't think I'll ever be able to cook on with electricity again, gas is awesome."
At this instant, my unborn child, who has turned my entire body into a gas machine, decided, without warning, to make me produce a very audible fart, right in front of the cable guy. That's right, after saying "gas is awesome" I managed to provide my audience with gassy bodily proof. I was mortified.
Not sure whether the guy had heard me, I ducked into the bathroom, half crying with laughter, at which point the guy asked Krusty if he had said something wrong.
I finally got over my shame and came back, at which point the door knocked again. There stood a very sweaty man, carrying the dozens of bottles of water that I had ordered. "Next time, only order half as much please," he panted. At this point, I started to think I might be in a dream.
The cable guy had almost finished, but of course now he started trying to sell us more channels. It was too late though, Krusty had already stuck his hand up the bottom of the turkey on the counter to extract the giblets in time for the stuffing. At 11pm on a Thursday night, our cable guy was negotiating with a man who had his hand inside a turkey while the supermarket delivery man continued to curse us for ordering so much water.
Then of course, as Krusty washed his hands, he realised that the shopping had come with a stack of dry ice, and so as he rinsed his fingers the sink filled with a mysterious smoke that awakened the childish scientist within.
We ended the conversation with the cable guy with me licking cranberry sauce off my fingers and Krusty holding a cup of smoking dry ice as he waved with a stupid grin on his face.
I'm guessing this particular cable guy might not come back at the end of the next contract!
(On a separate note, I think that the protagonist of Into the Wild was a selfish, ignorant idiot who did much more harm than good, and he really shouldn't be glorified in any way. Not only did he close the door on every single person who ever tried to love him, but he destroyed his life and that of his parents for no apparently justifiable reason. Just because you can quote Tolstoy, doesn't mean you're intelligent. I don't know what I'll do if I end up with a son who does the same thing. I might literally follow him into the woods and feed him poisonous berries myself...)
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