This is not in your control

Gazing out of the window of the clinic yesterday, looking directly at a building which I realised after a while was actually the one we live in, I could tell it would be an interesting check up.

I had spent the day worrying about the fact that I had suddenly put on a ton of weight in just one week, reading scary reports online about pre-eclampsia, a relatively common condition in pregnant women that can nonetheless result in major organ failure, comas and even death. I had all of the symptoms - sudden weight gain, check; dizziness, check; swollen hands and feet, check... The only things I couldn't check were the protein levels of my urine and my blood pressure. Then again, my temper has been very short recently, surely that's a sign of high blood pressure?

But as I went through the stages of the check-up, following each miniature nurse that called my name, all of the results came back as... completely normal. And as has become the norm for bambino, as soon as the Doppler machine touched my belly, there was a giant kick back, as if to say "leave me alone"! Even the stoic matron that was administering the test commented on what she called the baby's "strong personality"...

Anyway, not one to accept normal results laying down, I questioned this same lady about the sudden Michelin Man turn the scales were taking. Her answer:

"This is not in your control"

Telling a control freak things are not in her control is probably not a wise thing to do. I babbled on about how I wasn't eating much, and exercising, but the nurse kept repeating the same thing, until her voice has almost reached a scream: "This is not in your conTROL!"

And so I realise that in addition to not sleeping, not eating meat, not drinking alcohol and all of the other things I have had to change, my body is no longer in my control.

To which my mother added: "Your body? The day you became pregnant, my dear, it's your whole life which escaped your control!"