Asian people, or at least those that I have come to encounter, have a way of saying exactly what's on their mind, without any thought for how that might make you feel. It's a refreshing honesty that, if you're in a good mood, makes you smile and wonder why everyone can't be so straightforward; or if you're feeling low, makes you want to crawl into a cave and die.
When the lady in the shoe shop laughed and pointed at my feet saying "too big too big" before I had even passed the door, I chuckled. When the little boy downstairs looked up at me and said "you're so biiiiigggg", I gently cooed at the innocence and candour of children.
But this morning, when I was feeling particularly hot and bothered and tired and stuffy, I just had to cringe when my neighbour, poking my tummy, asked me "oh you have baby?!" Krusty, next to me, was giggling away as my cheeks burned up, making me feel even hotter and even more bothered.
Now I don't mind admitting that I don't have the Asian ideal of a 12-year-old's body, fine. But if I look pregnant, it's 3 weeks AT MOST. I would never dare ask someone who looked 3 weeks pregnant if they were in fact with child. 5/6 months is the first time you're allowed to start asking questions. Anything before that might be a case of an apple swallowed the wrong way. Or a breakfast of digestive biscuits. Please don't tell me I look 5 months pregnant...
Ugh...
Oh, and by the way, in case I was unclear - I AM NOT PREGNANT. I just like eating cake.
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Jimmy Carr famously said, when asked why he didn't offer pregnant ladies a seat on the tube: "I'd rather see a pregnant woman stand than a fat woman cry"
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